An Awakening
by sailboatsupernova
Summary: That was the moment Thrawn knew he was beyond help. He wanted to see Jorj smile again, he wanted to be the one to cause it. It's beautiful, Thrawn thought as he studied that smile, tried to memorize it, tried to memorize how it seemed to make Jorj's face light up. He's beautiful.


Not once in his life had Thrawn felt attraction for someone. Admiration, yes; pleasure in another's company, of course; aesthetic appreciation, on occasion. Never, ever had he felt something beyond that.

He had always thought that the feelings simply were not there. He had no reason to think they were; he had never looked at another person and felt the desire to have a relationship of any sort. His family, his brother, knew- Thrawn had always been open about that aspect of himself with those he was closest to, and they accepted that part of him. He accepted that part of himself; it was hard to miss something that you never had in the first place. Even then he did not consider anything to be "missing", it was just not there to begin with. That was how it was.

Until he met the crew of the Bargain Hunter; until he met Jorj. Jorj, who seemed to have a curiosity that rivaled his own, who was so different than the cold rigidity of his own species.

Thrawn's first thought upon seeing him in person was "oh, he's cute." He had almost buried his face in his hands at how embarrassing that thought alone was.

A part of Thrawn was still distant and guarded, but even as he kept Jorj at arm's length there was always a part of him that wanted to know what his hands would feel like in his. He wanted to know what his hair would feel like if he ever ran his fingers through it. A part of him loved the small spark of adrenaline that he felt every time he brushed his leg against Jorj's while they were sitting at some table talking and the human didn't twitch away.

He had hoped the feeling would go away. It didn't.

Thrawn was by no means ignorant; he may have never felt it before but it didn't take a genius to recognize these feelings for what they were: attraction. It was an uncomfortable thought. It was so foreign, so new. He didn't like it; he found the fact that he was beginning to wonder what Jorj's favorite color was humiliating.

But no, Thrawn later found that he did not know what humiliating truly was because later, by some means of odd conversation topics, he discovered that Jorj was quite fond of purple. And he was just so enamored with the fact that Jorj likes purple that it was disgusting. He had considered excusing himself- the constant churning of joy and revulsion in his stomach was starting to become a bit nauseating. Before he could, Jorj had asked Thrawn what his favorite color was, and Thrawn had answered that he found all the colors equally enjoyable because he had yet to find one that was more intriguing than the rest.

And Jorj had laughed at this, a short, lighthearted burst of sound, and he had smiled at Thrawn. It was just a slight upwards curling of his lips, showing just a hint of white teeth. The sight of it made Thrawn's chest ache and he felt himself return a small smile back at Jorj as he told Thrawn that that wasn't the answer he was expecting but he wasn't surprised. That was the moment Thrawn knew he was beyond help. He wanted to see Jorj smile again, and he wanted to be the one to cause it. It's beautiful, Thrawn thought as he studied that smile, tried to memorize it, tried to memorize how it seemed to make Jorj's face light up. He's beautiful.

Perhaps he had never known attraction because he had never known someone like Jorj, in both features and personality.

Thrawn was as appalled at himself as he was delighted.

Thrass was going to be mortified.

He had to tell him, Thrawn wanted to tell him. Thrass was his brother, the one person out of his entire family that he felt the closest too despite their many disagreements. Thrawn had to wait for the right time though, when it was just them alone together.

He had ended up inviting Thrass back to his personal quarters, to catch up on things since they had not seen each other in so long. And they had talked, for almost an hour, and it was going so well that Thrawn didn't even want to ruin it with his confession. It was an eventuality though, Thrawn supposed; it certainly wouldn't take Thrass forever to realize he was acting oddly towards the human. It was best to be honest- and to get it out of the way. So he had waited for a lull in the conversation, until comfortable silence had stretched out and Thrass had turned around and started quietly tapping away at his communications device.

"So Thrass," Thrawn began nonchalantly. "Do you remember when I was young and told you that I did not feel attraction for others?" He picked u his glass, swirled the clear liquid around in it. It was only water. He wanted to be sober for whatever was about to happen.

"Yes. What of it?" Thrawn heard him still tapping away. There was a disinterest in his voice that Thrawn found comforting. Perhaps Thrass would just not hear him when he spoke.

Thrawn doubted that he would be so lucky. He took a steadying sip from his cup. "I think that has changed recently."

"That's nice Thrawn."

There was no way it was going to be that easy; Thrass was smarter than that. Thrawn watched him out of the corner of his eye, and sure enough a few moments later Thrass froze in his chair. He watched him as Thrass sat up, head tilting as if considering what Thrawn had just said. Thrawn took one last swallow of his drink before setting it down in front of him; the clack of the cup hitting the table corresponded nicely with how Thrass whirled around in his chair and stared at Thrawn with an expression akin to righteous indignation. It was the most emotion he had ever seen on Thrass' face.

"Absolutely not."

Thrawn sighed. This was going to be awhile.


End file.
